Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
