where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
