You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
