One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
