The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
