How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
