i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
