Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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