I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
