I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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