you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
