So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
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Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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