I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
