Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
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i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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