she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i now understand why vodka
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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