So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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