his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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