take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
