exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
