did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
