sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
