I just threw up on my dentist
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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