I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
