Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You can't motorboat a personality
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
