He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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