She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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