does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
