I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
