he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
