oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
