ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
