Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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