She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
