You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
