next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
