I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I came so hard my ears popped.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
