i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the day after is always just damage control
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
