I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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