people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
