can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
