I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
They left me at home... I'm a liability
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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