my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
