I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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