Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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