There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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