the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
