Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
