so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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