We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
