You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
