I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
cat food counts as protein by the way
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
