if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
