So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
