Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
