I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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