she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
