I think I am morally bankrupt
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
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I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
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walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize