so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
