your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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