I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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