OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
