sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
