she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
