I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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