I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
