She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
