Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
