and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
