Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
