We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
